WASHINGTON – President Trump, in another budget slashing move aimed at strengthening his war chest to build his multi-billion wall between the U.S. and Mexico, has taken dead aim at funding for Pick Up Your Path (PUYP).
“Wasteful, very, very wasteful, incredibly wasteful,” said the president to Fox and Breitbart reporters. In an early morning tweet from the presidential bathroom, the president called PUYP “… fake trash collection. The worst kind of fake collection. Totally fake. Sad.”
In follow up remarks to the media to clarify Trump’s ‘fake collection’ assertion, Trump’s budget director, Mick Mulvaney said while PUYP has photographic evidence of daily litter collection, “Pick Up Your Path sounds great,” but the federal government should no longer give money to “programs that don’t work.” He estimated Pick Up Your Path’s share of the federal budget at 31 cents.
In response, Pick Up Your Path editor David Bradley defended his fledgling program by saying it is largely funded by Buy One, Get One free purchases at Harris Teeter whereby extra expenditures yield more plastic bags used to hold litter and trash found on his walks. He estimated his yearly bag usage at between 300 – 400 but offered no other specifics.
But when pressed further by reporters who cited surveillance through microwaves in the store’s deli section, Bradley admitted not all Harris Teeter bags are filled to capacity at the store. He also sometimes double bags wine and beer purchases in order to gain additional bags and “on occasion” bananas are bagged separately from other items. “I’m not proud of that,” he said. Bradley didn’t discount that he may approach Harris Teeter for corporate sponsorship in the form of free bags. Harris Teeter declined comment beyond saying “We have seen no evidence of extra bag pilferage by customers.” Bradley did not respond to questions about how much, if any, federal money is diverted to new walking shoes.
“I’m devastated that we will lose our federal budget,” Bradley said. The shortfall, he believes, will likely be made up by coins found regularly on his daily walks. While condemning those who fling bottles, cans and fast food packaging aside, he added “Bless those souls who toss out coins along with their trash. I hope they begin to throw out quarters and dimes instead of pennies.”